Let’s be real, feeling unappreciated feels like shit. Like someone kicked you in the stomach only to sucker punch you when you come up gasping for air. I don’t have balls, so I don’t know what being kicked in the nuts feels like, but I imagine the sensation is similar.
A question for you. Why do you tolerate the pain?
Why, for heaven’s sake, do you put yourself through the emotional ringer, only to be left disappointed again and again and again…?
When I visualize this feeling, I imagine loved ones leaving tiny breadcrumbs of love and affection for me to follow. When I get to the end of the trail, there’s nothing there but a note saying “better luck next time *smiley face*.”
A cruel joke, not even a mother could love. Nor should she.
If you know me at all, you’ll know I like to look at these types of challenges and ask myself, and my clients, what’s the lesson in all of this?
Other people will not respect you if you do not respect yourself. Other people will not love you the way you want to be loved if you fail to ask them to. Other people will take advantage of your giving nature if you allow them to.
“We accept the love we think we deserve”
- Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
It’s up to you to command the respect and love and commitment and passion and so on … that you deserve.
But this message is not about those people. This message is for you.
You are giving from an empty basket.
If you find yourself reaching your threshold or drowning in a shallow pool of water, you have stretched yourself way too thin.
So, ask yourself, why am I giving beyond my means?
There is usually a very simple answer, but let’s work towards finding it for a few moments.
Sit in a comfortable meditative posture
Take at least 10 deep belly breaths to relax
Drop your shoulders away from your ears
Scan your body from head to toe and notice any tight areas
Breathe into those areas
Now ask yourself, why am I giving beyond my means?
Notice the first answer that comes to your mind
Jot it down in your journal
I bet it has something to do with love. Are you trying to earn love, become love, or buy love with emotionally charged currency? Are you trying to prove your worth in some way?
What do you have to prove anyway?
Perhaps you are trying to prove that you are lovable or deserving of love if only you work a little harder. If only you can prove you’re worth it.
Now, there’s a word deserving of rumination. Worth.
If you give more, does that make you more valuable? Does that make you worthy or deserving of affection, appreciation, validation?
It has the opposite affect, pushing people away because of your neediness, resentments, smothering, etc. Other times, you push people away because they feel like they aren’t good enough because they can’t match your effort or emotional contributions, so you end up alienating yourself when what you want is to be loved for you who are.
Please, stop equating emotional currency with value, love, and worth.
Stop putting yourself out. Stop pushing yourself beyond your limits and start focusing on replenishing your emotional warehouse.
Start filling up your basket again, so giving won’t be so hard. Start giving and loving from a place of self love and appreciation. Because when you love yourself and respect yourself, the love and respect and joy you seek will find you and will stay, because that kind of energy is attracted to your new sense of self worth.
Please know that you are lovable. You are valuable. You are worthy.
I can help you create a self love plan of action to boost your self worth and leading lady mentality. It’s time you became the leading lady of your own life.
Let’s do it together. Connect with me now.